Full Moon Festival 2016

This is my first time attending this kind of event. Although it had occurred for several times before this, but I just ignore it.

New 'Baby'

I have a news for everyone!

the news is 

*drum rolling*

I am happily like to announce that I have bought a new 'baby'. 

Don't get it wrong mates, what I mean 'baby' here is my camera. 

Before that, I would like to give my full appreciation for my previous camera which was my Nikon D7000. We were together since mid of 2013 until last month. It had served me well. I never had a serious problem with the camera accept the ISO performance. But that's normal for a crop sensor camera. I learned a lot with this camera as well as experiment. 

...and now I think it is my time to improve and move. 

I did a bold move. 

I did not only move from crop sensor to full frame camera, I also changed brand from Nikon to Canon. 

WOW right?

There are some several aspects that I do consider when changing. The first one is of course; it's all about money. Changing from crop sensor to full frame not only means getting better performance, but it also means the equipment will become more expensive. In full frame term, Canon has cheaper equipment compared to Nikon.

Secondly; range of lenses. Nikon is a great company and they make great lenses as well. But there is one problem with this. They make a lesser range of lenses. 

So, the verdict is, Canon is cheaper and has wider range of lenses. Performance? Nikon is better in major of them. This can be seen where there is no EOS model that can beat D810 or even D800 in term of everything. 

Lastly, these are some pics from the new Canon body. Enjoy.

Future Wife?

This is gonna be a hot topic in my blog since I have been hiding from telling people about this. So yeah, Im not gonna talk about any specific person, but it is gonna be specific criteria.

I know love is a blind thingy. We can never understood how people can fall love with each other. It is a very complicated matter and only Him can understand because He is the one who creates love.

I start with my (crazy) history,

There was one day that I was so emotional and crazy yet logical. I was thinking about what people told me if I wanna marry with someone. They gave me like full of page criteria that I need to meet.

“1. Independent

2. know how to cook

3. own a house

4. own a job

……”

And the list goes until it full 2 sided pages of a paper.

I was like; ‘Wow, so many la. Memang aku tak kahwin la macam ni’. Eventually, I think I better let my dream be a dream. Yela, it is for sure I cant fulfil all those list before 30 which I can see (metaphorically) that the best age to marry is 30.

Then, here we go the calculation, if I marry at age 30, the earliest that I might possible to get a child is at 31. At time where my earliest child gets into university is when I’m almost 50 and almost retired. Let say, I allow my children to marry at age 30 as well, hence I only can be with my grandchildren is at age 60. Wow, 60 year old beb, and yes that is the first grandchild. How about the rest? Still worth it?

Then I go and check back the long list. I discover that the list is all about me. A better me (my initial guess). But when I go in detail for each list, I realize that the list is not about ‘a better me’, but ‘a perfect me’; a person who fulfils the objectives in term if dunya and hereafter. Wait, okay, let say that I will become ‘a perfect me’ when I become whatever in the list, why and why I need someone else and why I still need to live in this world? (sounds ego right?). Okay, try you imagine you have been at the best state as a human, yet you invite someone in your life which you don’t even know whether she will make your life is more perfect or make your life more miserable. Why I just don’t step back and not risky my so-called perfect life? It is still perfect and lovely right?

Several months later….

I did a mistake in my thought before. It is so simple.

I did not consider that I, myself is a human.

Then friend asked me, how did I can ‘balik ke pangkal jalan’? (lol). I said, it was because of Him.

He taught me something that only Him can teach. It was all about feeling and heart.

In the midst of my busy life, He didn’t send a cyclone or hurricane or any earthquake, but he just sent me a ‘lonely’ and ‘depressed’ feeling.

One question.

Who else than me that can feel the ‘lonely’ and ‘depressed’? Nobody else except Him, the sender.

Initially, it started when I first did a mistake to people and made them annoyed of me. It made my confidence level crushed down to earth. I had no confidence at all during that time. Then, I started to think that I’m a problem bringer not a problem solver. Until it comes to the climax where I think I’m such a loser and useless. What a loser do? They did nothing because of no confidence in themselves.

Did I realize that? Yes I did.

So I planned something ahead to get something going on. Then here came the worst part, the plan was fail and I thought I was a total loser. I started to overthink about people. I felt so lonely because first I tried to be away from much people scaring that I will only bring problems, secondly, I didn’t think people need me anymore.

Ok plan B.

I planned everything that I can to show to the world that I can be independent without a single hand from others. I tried everything alone, from studying, applying job and etc. Unfortunately, everything turned up to be worse that I can ever imagined. Here came the worst combination; ‘lonely’ and ‘depressed’.

Is depress is real? Yes

Is depress is hurtful? Yes, it is damn hurt. It is like an invisible cancer which only the patient can notice.

Only then, I sat and thought. Did I do mistake anywhere? Did I do something wrong?

The answer is yes. I was too ego back there.

To cut the story, I would like kindly advice parents out there, please and please redefine the checklist. Although, it seems reasonable and practical to make your children to have all those properties and money. But too extreme teaching about that will make your children materialistic and ego.

Fuhh. That was a long story.

Okay, actually this is the content of the post.

Prophet said that if you wanna marry a girl, check these 4 things; family, wealth, beauty and religion (this is not the proper arrangement, some scholar said that these four criteria was spoken in intended arrangement showing the priority).

That’s true.

In addition, my life (in the long story) taught me to not search for the perfect woman. But find someone who can bravely and patiently improves together with you. Someone who can see your potential, not your achievement, your attitude, not your altitude.

Not the perfect woman.

But the perfect one. 

Gagal

Aku nak bercerita tentang satu benda yang mungkin tak pernah sangka dalam kehidupan ini. Benda ini ialah kegagalan. Aku tau yang aku, kau dan kita semua tak pernah melukis kehidupan kita untuk gagal. Setiap daripada kita berharap yang dialah student nombor satu dalam kelas dan dialah yang paling pandai bermain dalam segala genap aspek. Tak pernah ada satu manusia atas muka bumi Allah ni yang meletakkan tujuan dia untuk gagal dalam hidup ni. Tapi, kita sebagai manusia takkan sedar dan takkan tau apa yang Allah dah pelan untuk kita pada masa depan.

Enough said about happiness and victory, dalam post ini aku akan terang dan share apa yang mungkin patut buat dan reflect bila kita dalam kegagalan.

Perkataan gagal boleh diterangkan dalam banyak aspek. Gagal yang aku maksudkan dalam karangan ni ialah satu keadaan yang kita tak Berjaya capai apa yang kita dah pelan dan kita rasa kita dah kalah.

Kalau sesiapa yang pernah rasa gagal, gagal ni rasa dia bukan macam pahit camtu. Ni lagi teruk daripada pahit sebab pahit tu rasa dia sekejap je. Gagal ni macam kita rasa pahit jugak tapi kita rasa pahit tu sepanjang masa. Gagal ni confirm akan ganggu psikologi kita dan mood kita. Rasa kita ni the absoloute loser. Rasa kita tak ada harapan lagi dah sebab kita ni hanya bawak masalah kat kawan kita. Rasa gagal ni jugak rasa macam kita tak belong to any part of life. Kita akan rasa macam kalau kita mati sekarang, confirm tak ada orang sedar pun. Lebih kurang camtu la rasa gagal tu.

Percaya atau tidak, gagal itu sebenarnya bukan realiti. Sebab perkataan gagal tu hanya akan datang bila kita tak capai apa yang kita inginkan daripada kerja yang dah buat. Soalan pertama yang kita kena cek, siapa je yang kat atas dunia ni yang tau kita tengah gagal? Percaya atau tak, sebenarnya hanya kita sorang je tau yang kita tengah gagal.

Kemudian, percaya atau tak, gagal tu hanya la mainan otak ataupun aku boleh cakap halusinasi untuk kita capai pelan tindakan kita.

Bagi aku cara untuk kita overcome benda ni ialah first pergi ke someone yang kita tau dia akan dengar kita punya complaint dari A ke Z, someone yang reply secepat mungkin (sebab emosi orang yang gagal tak stabil masa ni dan dia tend to overthink over time), someone yang akan sentiasa ulang yang kita ada potensi untuk kekal hidup dan terus melangkah dan someone yang boleh buat gelak. Kenapa first solution ialah external sebab internal kita tengah tak stabil dan cubaan kita untuk stabilkan benda yang tak stabil ketika kita tak stabil ibarat orang yang sesat lagi menyesatkan. Hahaha.

Second, orang yang gagal tersebut perlu pergi ke masalah yang menyebabkan dia gagal. Make friend with the problem so that we know that actually the problem isn’t a problem at all. It was a stepping stone and actually a friend of ours.

Nasihat aku kepada semua, kalau korang rasa ada kawan korang yang nampak lain macam tu cuba tegur dan sebut

“Are you okay?”

Walaupun ini nampak simple, tapi effect kepada someone sangat besar dan mampu sedikit sebanyak tolong orang yang tengah gagal tadi.

To all failures out there, I know that you are experiencing the toughest route you have ever walked. But believe me, you will find something surprise at the end of it. I once, found out that the person that 

I hated most, talked to me and asked?

“Hey, are you okay?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Untuk pengetahuan semua, aku dah decide nak buat satu perubahan besar dalam kehidupan aku. 

Kalau korang rasa nak pilih antara MacDonald dan KFC tu susah. Yang ni lagi susah. Aku fikir lama gak la tentang benda ni. Setelah beberapa minggu, aku tekad untuk buat benda ni; aku nak tukar dari Nikon ke Canon.

Tapi, aku tengah tak de buyer untuk camera lama aku. Sob. Sob.sob.

Insyallah aku akan ke canon selepas aku dapat jual set Nikon aku. Doa – doa la dipermudahkan.