"I only know several things about myself and a lot of them are physical appearance. In my life, I never attended a class on how to know myself emotionally plus people always say emotional is just only one more barrier between you and your objective. On top of that, nowadays people tend to play with your emotional so that they can get absolute benefits from you and don't forget that emotional only will make you miserable and messed up."
I once believed that emotional is such a like this thing, gives harm without leaving single benefits. It is such a horrible thing. I don't believe such love and concern. The reason I felt so was because people ask you about your academic results and your achievements in your life. People will never ever ask about your family and your feeling. People treat feeling as a personal matter and all problems associated with feeling is that person's faults whatever the causes are. If you see it as a horrible thing, believe me this is the real world. A world which full with humans without humanity. The only important thing is achievement. That's it!
The most horrible thing about my thought was I tend to have problems with the closest friend which I shared most of my stories and secrets .The problem usually will end up in a bad manner. Therefore, I had once decided that I don't want to have close friend anymore. Let my stories lied in me and perhaps no one will never know it and let friend becomes only academic friend.
However, someone did succeed changing my thought. I never thought that I did change easily. I completely changed my mind.
We exchanged most of our stories including our secrets which I rarely do. I did totally convert my personal view of life in a better way. I saw life as a difficult place to live but yet colorful. A same easy - happy life will lead to a boring life. The only job as a human that we need to do is to get through all hardships with patient and hope from Him. Mistake is a normal thing because we learn heaps from mistake as we never forgot major mistake that we had done.
Last but not least, as I said before, life is not always about happy life and my experience about close friend. I had severe problems with this person as well.
What we will do when having errors with computer? reset right? Hence, I decide to reset my thoughts about all those things. I'm not a good person and I'm not capable enough to have good friends. I believe that people only get benefits from me when I'm a stranger to them and not friends.
To you my friends, sorry for my mistakes.